We are all thinking about choosing our next president. For me being a monarch is the only way to go – like our current president – but without the three-card Monte approach to public service.

Presidents don’t have all that much power (or shouldn’t) when you come down to it. Monarchs, on the other hand, have it made.

All they have to do is decree something or send out a proclamation and presto, it is done. No consensus building, no voter interference. Just done.

England has a monarch, but truth to tell it doesn’t look like she has a whole lot to do, except wring her hands over what her kids and grandkids will do next that will bring scandal to the kingdom. And she has little control over governance of her country, what with parliament and the prime minister and all.

No, what I want to be is the sort of monarch you find in the story books, a powerful but fair ruler with a magic looking glass, potion or two and maybe some knights hanging around to slay the occasional dragon.

So many things I would do if I were queen. (Cue the once upon a time dream music).

The evil spell broken, there-awakened the monarch of the Land of the Chagrined, that would be me, will first turn a benevolent gaze to the Main Street of her kingdom which she dubbed the Realm of Retail and Restaurants.

There, peddlers and ale house proprietors had enjoyed the patronage of the people for ages until an evil spell from the Far East brought the Plague of Covid-19, causing sickness and frightening the people into magic lockdown mode, which kept them inside their quaint huts with no coins to spend in the Realm of Retail.

Then, because queens get everything they want no questions asked, I would send my wizard into the Big Land of Pharma where she will share her recipe for a potion, but in massive proportions for worldwide distribution, which will ward off the evil Plague of Covid-19.

The royal vaccine would set the people free from death and fear and allow the Realm of Retail and Restaurants to prosper once again.

From that day forward, my principality would be re-dubbed the “Land of the No Longer Chagrined.”

That task dealt with, I would have the royal zipline installed in the kingdom (with enclosed heated funicular cars for winter). And it shall bring thrills, chills, scenic marvels and year-round income to the Kingdom of the No Longer Chagrined.

I would share that income with the District of Schools and Education by the Falls thus lifting the tax burden from all subjects in the Kingdom of the No Longer Chagrined. And there would be merriment and happiness throughout the land, and love for the queen would grow amongst her people.

Not done yet, as queen, I would bring a spell over Knights Bob, Darren and Bill – from the Land of Spillway – which will cause them to sell Ye Olde Heap of Rubble to Sir Rich of the Conservancy of Reserve, Western District.

Sir Rich who, with his minions, will create parkland from wasteland and add that much needed zipline and funicular combo for said year-round joy and income.

“We need no more palace developments for the landed gentry. We need land for our subjects to use and enjoy,” I would tell the Knights of Spillway in the spell I shall cast. Modern Farmhouse style dwellings are so 2019.

Now what shall be next? Oh, yes. Masons from the Kingdom of the No Longer Chagrined will be ordered to resurrect, brick by brick the old Falls movie theater.

And so it shall be, but with better seats and fresh popcorn. And there will be even more wonder and joy in the land.

The End (or is it only the beginning).

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