The jury is still out on whether changes made to Blossom Time this year were enough to bring folks back to the beloved festival.
Blossom has been THE major event sponsored by the Chagrin Valley Jaycees for the last 63 years. That it is successful and thus profitable is important to all of us because it raises a big chunk of money which the organization gives to about three dozen local nonprofits and charities each year.
Did we mention that along with their good works, the Jaycees can play the lovable doofuss from time to time?
And so it was last week when the annual Jaycee T-shirts – the ones the guys wear when they are volunteering at the festival – were delivered to members and on them was a design element some protested as too political for prime time, not to mention Blossom Time.
There printed on the shirts were four initials, “MBGA.” Thus began one of those “only in Chagrin Falls” moments.
We’ll admit we had no idea what MBGA meant until it was pointed out by an irate Jaycee wife who complained it paid homage to President Donald Trump’s MAGA slogan – “Make America Great Again.”
In Jaycee speak MBGT meant “Make Blossom Great Again.” So, okay, which one of you lovable doofusses dreamed that one up? Did your “wouldn’t it be funny if we…” idea come late one night while imbibing a favorite lager?
No sooner had complaints about MBGA been lodged then the president of the Jaycee went public with a promise. The shirts would not be worn or displayed during this year’s Blossom Time.
Then the name calling began. The term “liberal snowflake” was hurled from one side met with “overgrown frat boys” from the other.
Our town is too small for the kind of divisiveness the rest of the country is suffering. How did it happen and who is responsible?
So we did some snooping and found the source of “Acronym Gate” was not the Jaycees at all. It was the Russians meddling in Blossom Time! Is nothing sacred?
To confirm our sleuthing, we once again reached out to our dark web go-between who set up a Skype session with Boris and Natasha, the Ruskies responsible for so many of Chagrin Falls’ controversies. They were bursting with pride and only too happy to talk about their latest victory.
NATASHA – Ve must give de credit to mine partner Boris. It vas his idea to infiltrate Jaycees mit our best American speaking maker of trouble.
BORIS – Ve called on our tippy top operative Dimitry Alexi Popov and sent him straight from Kremlin to Jaycees to be their how you say it – “buddy boy.”
NATASHA – But first ve teach him how to be overgrown frat boy.
BORIS – Ve been studying Jaycee habits and dis give us great knowledge ve pass to Dimitry Alexi Popov.
NATASHA – Ve even give him nickname “Dimmy” and teach him to vear Cleveland Browns football hat backwards and how to say “I think I’ll get another brewski.”
BORIS – Den we tell him to use vords like “amazing” and “awesome” venever he don’t understand something and it vorked. Dimmy said all Jaycees buddies do high five mit him ven he say “wouldn’t it be awesome and amazing to put Make Blossom Great Again on our T-shirts this year. Now let’s get another brewski.”
NATASHA – But it vasn’t alvays dis easy. Ve had a hard time with Dimmy drinking the brewski. In Russian ve drink only woidka.
BORIS – Dimmy said it taste like rotting Beluga whale eggs. Den ve get idea Putin vould approve.
NATASHA – Ve show Dimmy how to drink woidka from a brewski bottle